The 'Tragedy' of Romeo & Juliet
by CrazyYanmega
Summary: I force Ash and the gang to take part in the Shakespearian classic! Prepare for insane things to happen, since it seems that no one knows who Shakespeare is around here on the stage! MorpheusShipping
1. Introduction

_Scene: A red velvet curtain is drawn across the stage. Voices may be heard as preparations are made._

**Voice 1:**  
What the heck is going on here, and why am I dressed in these ridiculous clothes?

**Voice 2:**  
I don't know! These clothes are itchy!

**Voice 3:**  
They look nice, though. Look, I look like a princess!

_Sound of multiple people coughing_

**Voice 4:**  
Dawn, stop that! You're stirring up dust!  
Huh, looks like no one's been here in a while.

**Voice 2:**  
Hey, Ash! What do you think is behind this curtain?  
_Curtain flutters slightly_

**Voice 1:**  
Angie, what's wrong?

**Angie:**  
There's people out there! We're on a stage!

**Voice 5:**  
This has to be a bad dream.

**Voice 4:**  
Unless we're all having the same dream, probably not.

**Voice 6:**  
No, this is not a dream!

**Voice 5:**

Who the heck are you?

**Voice 6:  
**I am CrazyYanmega!

**Voice 5:  
**Are you insane?

**CrazyYanmega:  
**That is up for debate! But that  
is not the reason I came to talk to you.  
No, it is because you are all  
going to become stars!

**Voice 4:  
**Why would we want to become flaming  
balls of hydrogen in the vacuum of space?

**Voice 3:  
**Silly! If we're on a stage,  
and he says he's going to make us stars,  
that must mean we're going to be in a play!  
Right?

**CrazyYanmega:  
**Correct!

**Voice 5:  
**And why would we want  
to do something as stupid  
and pathetic as that?

**CrazyYanmega:  
**Because you do not wish to incur  
the wrath of The Chicken!

**Voice 5:  
**…  
Okay, I am leaving.  
I refuse to take part in a dumb play  
for anyone, especially lunatics.

_SQUAWK!_ *thump*

_Sound of flapping is heard_

**Voice 5:  
**What _was_ that?!

**CrazyYanmega:  
**_That_ was The Chicken.

**Voice 1:  
**I can see it in the rafters!  
Pikachu, use Thunderbolt!

Pikachu? Where'd ya go, buddy?

**Angie:  
**We let all our Pokémon have a  
break at Amity Square, Ash.  
Remember?

**Ash:  
**Oh, yeah.  
Well then, I'll go and  
take care of it myself!

**CrazyYanmega:  
**I really don't suggest that  
you should go up there-

**Voice 3:  
**So what play are we doing?  
I'm so excited!

**CrazyYanmega:  
**The play is one of Shakespeare's finest!  
It is _Romeo & Juliet!_

**Voice 7:  
**Who's Shakespeare?  
I've never heard of the play, either.

**CrazyYanmega:  
**You will all find out soon enough!  
I will give you all your parts in sections,  
so you won't read ahead in your free time.  
I'll give you your parts in due time.

**Ash:  
**It has friends!

**Voice 5:  
**Don't bring them here you idiot!

_A storm of fluttering, squawking, and screaming may be heard._

* * *

Well, that's the intro! I'll post who is playing which character later. Updates will be bi-weekly. Get ready for this!

See ya!


	2. Enter the Players

Hello! CrazyYanmega here! I guess I kind of lied when I said that I'd be updating every two weeks! I have lots of school work to do, so I don't get much time to work on my Fanfics. Also, I've been getting a lot of pushback from the actors about going through with this. But I have gotten the parts all set out, for the most part. *hands the reader a sheet of paper*

**

* * *

**

Abraham

: Gary

**Balthasar**: Kenny

**Benvolio**: Drew

**Count Paris**: Paul

**Friar John**: Reggie

**Friar Laurence**: Brock

**Gregory**: Max

**Juliet**: Angie

**Lady Capulet**: Angie's Mom

**Lady Montague**: Delia Ketchum

**Lord Capulet**: Angie's Dad

**Lord Montague**: Silver (from Pokémon Chronicles)

**Mercutio**: Barry

**Nurse**: Lyra

**Peter**: Tracey

**Petruchio**: To Be Decided

**Prince Escalus**: Palmer

**Romeo**: Ash

**Sampson**: Amarilla

**Tybalt**: Khoury

**

* * *

**

Dancer 1

: May

**Dancer 2**: Dawn

**Dancer 3**: Amarilla (Yellow, from Pokémon manga)

**Dancer 4**: Max

**Dancer 5**: Zoey

**Makeup**: May

**Lighting**: Tracey

**Props**: Tracey

**Outfits**: Tracey

**Curtain 1**: Tracey

**Curtain 2**: Misty

* * *

Okay, I apologize to the Misty fans out there who are reading this. On the plus side, Misty is going to be just about the only person _not_ getting publicly humiliated. See you sometime within the next month, I hope! CrazyYanmega, over and out!


	3. ACT I, SCENE I

Sorry about the long wait, folks! The characters are ready to roll! Enjoy!

* * *

ACT I  
PROLOGUE  
Two households, both alike in dignity,  
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,  
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,  
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.  
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes  
A pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life;  
Whole misadventured piteous overthrows  
Do with their death bury their parents' strife.  
The fearful passage of their death-mark'd love,  
And the continuance of their parents' rage,  
Which, but their children's end, nought could remove,  
Is now the two hours' traffic of our stage;  
The which if you with patient ears attend,  
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

SCENE I. Verona. A public place.

Enter SAMPSON and GREGORY, of the house of Capulet, armed with swords and bucklers  
SAMPSON  
Gregory, o' my word, we'll not carry coals.

GREGORY  
No, for then we should be colliers.

SAMPSON  
I mean, an we be in choler, we'll draw.

GREGORY  
Ay, while you live, draw your neck out o' the collar.

SAMPSON  
I strike quickly, being moved.

GREGORY  
But thou art not quickly moved to strike.

SAMPSON  
A dog of the house of Montague moves me.

GREGORY  
To move is to stir; and to be valiant is to stand:  
therefore, if thou art moved, thou runn'st away.

SAMPSON  
A dog of that house shall move me to stand: I will  
take the wall of any man or maid of Montague's.

GREGORY  
That shows thee a weak slave; for the weakest goes  
to the wall.

SAMPSON  
True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels…  
HEY! This is not true! Women are not weak!  
This is sexist discrimination!

GREGORY (whispering)  
Shh! Just read the lines, or we're gonna get in trouble!

SAMPSON (grumbling)  
…are-ever-thrust-to-the wall-therefore-I-will-push  
Montague's-men-from-the-wall-and-thrust-his-maids  
to-the-wall.

GREGORY  
The quarrel is between our masters and us their men.

SAMPSON  
'Tis all one, I will show myself a tyrant: when I  
have fought with the men, I will be cruel with the  
maids, and cut off their heads?!  
What kind of sick play is this?

GREGORY  
…the heads of the maids?

SAMPSON  
Stop reading that horrible play!  
You know what?! I am not being part of this!  
I refuse!

OFFSTAGE  
Werk?

SAMPSON _unconvincing grin_  
Ay, the heads of the maids, or their maidenheads;  
take it in what sense thou wilt.

GREGORY  
What sense? It makes no sen-  
I mean they must take it in sense that feel it.

SAMPSON  
Me they shall feel while I am able to stand: and  
'tis known I am a pretty piece of flesh.

GREGORY  
'Tis well thou art not fish; if thou hadst, thou  
hadst been poor John. Draw thy tool!  
Tool? What's that supposed to mean?  
Here comes two of the house of the Montagues.

SAMPSON  
I think it means the swords.

_swords are drawn_

My naked weapon is out: quarrel, I will back thee.

GREGORY  
How! turn thy back and run?

SAMPSON  
_I-am-not-a-coward!_  
Fear me not.

GREGORY  
No, marry; I fear thee!

SAMPSON  
Let us take the law of our sides; let them begin.

GREGORY  
I will frown as I pass by, and let them take it as  
they list.

SAMPSON  
Nay, as they dare. I will bite my thumb at them;  
which is a disgrace to them, if they bear it.

_(bites thumb)_

Ow! How is this supposed to humiliate the _other _side?

_Enter ABRAHAM and BALTHASAR_

ABRAHAM  
Do you suck your thumb at us, sir?

BALTHASAR  
Umm, Gary? The script says "bite."

ABRAHAM  
Excuse me.  
Do you _bite_ you thumb at us, sir?

SAMPSON  
I do bite my thumb, sir.  
_Ow! When does that stupid script  
say when I can stop biting my thumb?  
_  
ABRAHAM  
Do you bite your thumb at us, sir?  
_I just asked this question, is there a  
typo on my script?_

SAMPSON  
Is the law of our side if I say ay?

GREGORY  
No.

SAMPSON  
No, sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir, but I  
bite my thumb, sir.  
_grumbling  
_This is so stupid.

GREGORY  
Do you quarrel, sir?

ABRAHAM  
Quarrel sir! no, sir.

SAMPSON  
If you do, sir, I am for you: I serve as good a man as you.

ABRAHAM  
No better.

SAMPSON  
Well, sir.

GREGORY  
Say 'better:' here comes one of my master's kinsmen.  
Hey! I'm a ninja! A ninja serves no master!

_SAMPSON kicks GREGORY in shins_

Ow!

SAMPSON  
Yes, better, sir.

ABRAHAM  
You lie.

SAMPSON  
Draw, if you be men. Gregory, remember thy swashing blow.

_They fight_

BALTHASAR  
Argh! Max! Watch it!

GREGORY  
I am remembering mine swashing blow! Take this!

Enter BENVOLIO

BENVOLIO  
Part, fools!  
Put up your swords; you know not what you do.

_Beats down their swords_

Enter TYBALT

TYBALT  
What, um, art thou drawn among these heartless hinds?  
Turn thee, Benvolio, and, erm, look upon thy death.

BENVOLIO  
I do but keep the peace: put up thy sword,  
Or manage it to part these men with me.

TYBALT  
What, erm, drawn, and, uh, talk of peace! I hate the word,  
As I hate, er, hell, all Montagues, a-and thee:  
H-have at thee, um, coward!  
_  
They fight_

_Enter, several of both houses, who join the fray; then enter Citizens, with clubs  
_  
CITIZENS  
Clubs, bills, and partisans! strike! beat them down!  
Down with the Capulets! down with the Montagues!

_much cursing from all parties_

Enter CAPULET in his gown, and LADY CAPULET

CAPULET  
What noise is this? Give me my long sword, ho!

LADY CAPULET  
A crutch, a crutch! why call you for a sword?

CAPULET  
My sword, I say! Old Montague is come,  
And flourishes his blade in spite of me.

Enter MONTAGUE and LADY MONTAGUE

MONTAGUE  
Thou villain Capulet,--Hold me not, let me go.

LADY MONTAGUE  
Thou shalt not stir a foot to seek a foe.

MONTAGUE  
You know what? Screw the sword!

_Throws Pokéball_

Salamence! Use Hyper Beam!

_Explosion. Stage is lost to sight in smoke._

_Curtain closes._

CrazyYanmega  
Romeo & Juliet is currently facing some  
Technical difficulties. If you will please remain,  
We will get started again ASAP!

* * *

Okay, this time I PROMISE that the update will come sooner!


	4. ACT I, SCENE I PART 2

CRAZYYANMEGA  
Okay, the Four-Regions Players  
Have decided to continue from where  
They last left off. Lord Montague has  
Had his Pokéballs confiscated, so there  
Should be no more troubles. On that note,  
Ladies and Gentlemen, please enjoy  
The Show!

ACT I

SCENE I. Verona. A public place.

_A massive fight is taking place._

_Enter PRINCE, with Attendants  
PRINCE is carrying a box of Octillary Snacks  
_  
PRINCE  
Rebellious subjects, enemies to peace, _mph slurp,_  
Profaners of this neighbour-stained steel,--  
Will they not hear? What, ho! you men, you beasts,  
That quench the fire of your pernicious rage  
With purple fountains issuing from your veins, _smk smk smk,_  
On pain of torture, from those bloody hands  
Throw your mistemper'd weapons to the ground,  
And hear the sentence of your moved prince. _Mnch chew._  
Three civil brawls, bred of an airy word,  
By thee, old Capulet, and Montague, _munch,_  
Have thrice disturb'd the quiet of our streets,  
And made Verona's ancient citizens-

_Enter MERCUTIO_

MERCUTIO  
Dad!

PRINCE  
Ah! My dear nephew Mercutio!

MERCUTIO  
Dad, give me the snacks, _now._

PRINCE  
I don't wanna.

MERCUTIO  
Daaaaad!

PRINCE  
I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Here you go!  
Now go on! Your daddy has a big production  
To star in.

_Exunt MERCUTIO_

Now, where was I?  
No, hmm, erm, lessee, nope, Ah! Here! Ahem,  
Cast by their grave beseeming ornaments,  
To wield old partisans, in hands as old,  
Canker'd with peace, to part your canker'd hate:  
If ever you disturb our streets again,  
Your lives shall pay the forfeit of the peace.  
For this time, all the rest depart away:  
You Capulet; shall go along with me:  
And, Montague, come you this afternoon,  
To know our further pleasure in this case,  
To old Free-town, our common judgment-place.  
Once more, on pain of death, all men, DEPART!

ALL  
My ears!

_Exeunt all but MONTAGUE, LADY MONTAGUE, and BENVOLIO  
Some stumbling, some clutching bleeding ears  
_  
MONTAGUE  
Who set this ancient quarrel new abroach?  
Speak, nephew, were you by when it began?

BENVOLIO  
Here were the servants of your adversary,  
And yours, close fighting ere I did approach:  
I drew to part them: in the instant came  
The fiery Tybalt, with his sword prepared,  
Which, as he breathed defiance to my ears,  
He swung about his head and cut the winds,  
Who nothing hurt withal hiss'd him in scorn:  
While we were interchanging thrusts and blows,  
Came more and more and fought on part and part,  
Till the prince came, who parted either part.

LADY MONTAGUE  
O, where is Romeo? saw you him to-day?  
Right glad I am he was not at this fray.

BENVOLIO  
Madam, an hour before the worshipp'd sun  
Peer'd forth the golden window of the east,  
A troubled mind drave me to walk abroad;  
Where, underneath the grove of sycamore  
That westward rooteth from the city's side,  
So early walking did I see your son:  
Towards him I made, but he was ware of me  
And stole into the covert of the wood:  
I, measuring his affections by my own,  
That most are busied when they're most alone,  
Pursued my humour not pursuing his,  
And gladly shunn'd who gladly fled from me.

MONTAGUE  
Many a morning hath he there been seen,  
With tears augmenting the fresh morning dew.  
Adding to clouds more clouds with his deep sighs;  
But all so soon as the all-cheering sun  
Should in the furthest east begin to draw  
The shady curtains from Aurora's bed,  
Away from the light steals home my heavy son,  
And private in his chamber pens himself,  
Shuts up his windows, locks far daylight out  
And makes himself an artificial night:  
Black and portentous must this humour prove,  
Unless good counsel may the cause remove.

BENVOLIO  
My noble uncle, do you know the cause?

MONTAGUE  
I neither know it nor can learn of him.

BENVOLIO  
Have you importuned him by any means?

MONTAGUE  
Both by myself and many other friends:  
But he, his own affections' counsellor,  
Is to himself--I will not say how true--  
But to himself so secret and so close,  
So far from sounding and discovery,  
As is the bud bit with an envious worm,  
Ere he can spread his sweet leaves to the air,  
Or dedicate his beauty to the sun.  
Could we but learn from whence his sorrows grow.  
We would as willingly give cure as know.

Enter ROMEO

BENVOLIO  
See, where he comes: so please you, step aside;  
I'll know his grievance, or be much denied.

MONTAGUE  
I would thou wert so happy by thy stay,  
To hear true shrift. Come, madam, let's away.

Exeunt MONTAGUE and LADY MONTAGUE

BENVOLIO  
Good-morrow, cousin.

ROMEO  
Is the day so young?

BENVOLIO  
But new struck nine.

ROMEO  
Ay me! sad hours seem long.  
Was that my father that went hence so fast?

BENVOLIO  
It was. What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours?

ROMEO  
Not having that, which, having, makes them short.

BENVOLIO  
In love?

ROMEO  
Out-- wait, what?  
Oh, no. No no no no no.  
You have to be kidding me.

BENVOLIO _whispering_  
_Just read the lines, okay?_  
Of love?

ROMEO  
Out of her favour, where I am in love.  
_This is so embarassing._

BENVOLIO  
Alas, that love, so gentle in his view,  
Should be so tyrannous and rough in proof!

ROMEO

_Getting redder and redder_

Alas, that love, whose view is muffled still,  
Should, without eyes, see pathways to his will!  
Where shall we dine? O me! What fray was here?  
Yet tell me not, for I have heard it all.  
Here's much to do with hate, but more with love.  
Why, then, O brawling love! O loving hate!  
O any thing, of nothing first create!  
O heavy lightness! serious vanity!  
Mis-shapen chaos of well-seeming forms!  
Feather of lead, bright smoke, cold fire,  
sick health!  
Still-waking sleep, that is not what it is!  
This love feel I, that feel no love in this.  
Dost thou not laugh?

BENVOLIO _Snickering_  
No, coz, I rather weep.

ROMEO  
Good heart, at what?

BENVOLIO  
At thy good heart's oppression.

ROMEO  
Why, such is love's transgression.  
Griefs of mine own lie heavy in my breast,  
Which thou wilt propagate, to have it prest  
With more of thine: this love that thou hast shown  
Doth add more grief to too much of mine own.  
Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;  
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;  
Being vex'd a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears:  
What is it else? a madness most discreet,  
A choking gall and a preserving sweet.  
Farewell, my coz.

_muttering_

_Of all the plays in the world, it had to be a romance..._

BENVOLIO  
Soft! I will go along;  
An if you leave me so, you do me wrong.

ROMEO  
_...And he locked all of the windows, too._  
Tut, I have lost myself; I am not here;  
This is not Romeo, he's some other where.

BENVOLIO  
Tell me in sadness, who is that you love.

ROMEO _Blushing_  
What, shall I groan and tell thee?

BENVOLIO  
Groan! why, no.  
But sadly tell me who.

ROMEO  
Bid a sick man in sadness make his will:  
Ah, word ill urged to one that is so ill!  
In sadness, cousin, I do love a woman.

BENVOLIO  
I aim'd so near, when I supposed you loved.

ROMEO  
A right good mark-man! And she's fair I love.

BENVOLIO  
A right fair mark, fair coz, is soonest hit.

ROMEO  
Well, in that hit you miss: she'll not be hit  
With Cupid's arrow; she hath Dian's wit;  
And, in strong proof of chastity well arm'd,  
From love's weak childish bow she lives unharm'd.  
She will not stay the siege of loving terms,  
Nor bide the encounter of assailing eyes,  
Nor ope her lap to saint-seducing gold:  
O, she is rich in beauty, only poor,  
That when she dies with beauty dies her store.

_muttering_

_None of this even makes any sense.  
How did we get dragged into this, again?_

BENVOLIO_ muttering_  
_I have no idea, but keep talking,  
So that we don't get mauled, okay?_  
Then she hath sworn that she will still live chaste?

ROMEO  
She hath, and in that sparing makes huge waste,  
For beauty starved with her severity  
Cuts beauty off from all posterity.  
She is too fair, too wise, wisely too fair,  
To merit bliss by making me despair:  
She hath forsworn to love, and in that vow  
Do I live dead that live to tell it now.

BENVOLIO  
Be ruled by me, forget to think of her.

ROMEO  
O, teach me how I should forget to think.

BENVOLIO  
By giving liberty unto thine eyes;  
Examine other beauties.

_muttering_

_This makes me sound like such a pervert._

ROMEO  
'Tis the way  
To call hers exquisite, in question more:  
These happy masks that kiss fair ladies' brows  
Being black put us in mind they hide the fair;  
He that is strucken blind cannot forget  
The precious treasure of his eyesight lost:  
Show me a mistress that is passing fair,  
What doth her beauty serve, but as a note  
Where I may read who pass'd that passing fair?  
Farewell: thou canst not teach me to forget.

BENVOLIO  
I'll pay that doctrine, or else die in debt.

_Exeunt_

_Curtain closes to applause_

Hoo boy! First Scene has been completed! I will work my hardest to get the next scene done within a few weeks! By the way, my plan of doing a lot of writing over the summer has backfired, as my parents are taking the computer back where they got it once school is over. Appearently it was on loan.

See you next time!

~CrazyYanmega


End file.
